loveme1404

hiding my heart,
 with an others love
 affection returned,
 with a push or a shove 
 Claiming immunity, to care or to cry giving up on myself,
 but still wanting to try Hurting another,
 to muffle my pain
 faking a smile, mirage in the rain

 Distaste for myself,
 my mental disease this merciless battle,
 a change without ease 
 repeating the words I know aren't true, redundantly claiming that I don't love you

Breathe in air deep and slow close your eyes, but don't let go Grip the blade then let it fall erase the pain, erase it all Feet in contact with the ground pitter, patter, all around mirrors shatter broken glass shattered image, shattered past numbers, numbers all the same, all relate to weight and shame darkened views from hooded eyes, salty rain from crying skies

 close my eyes and breathe in deeply feel my heart sink, slow and steeply Lie on the concrete, facing west soon to never be the best feel wings of gold embrace me near, muddled voices i can't hear floating, floating far away reviving hands can't make me stay tears are shed, why are they crying? because im leaving, going, dying although your tears my heart will soar, i've now arrived at heavens door.

Peace, serenity. The final identification of the emotions I'm experiencing. There, done. ..But only it's not something to be identified and calculated, but something to just be simply.. felt. Taking my place on the charcoal curb bellow me, I find my place in the world.. or at least for the moment. Conceptualizing everything, noticing every detail.. The texture of the ground beneath me, toes creating tiny crop circles on the rough pavement. I suppose I should be afraid of something at the moment; scared. How can i be? How can I fear something so irrelevant to hear and now? Trying to remember the importance of the situation, is almost the sa

looking in the mirror i see what you can't see the repulsiveness surrounding me doesn't cost a fee yes it comes without a charge, but only with a price you think i don't make any sense, but listen, my advice you see it's been quite a time, since me and ana met i ditched her quite a while ago, and now her mind is set She's determined to leave me be, with her thought but not her strength, so now i'm stuck with a crowded mind and crowded stomach width and length so this is me giving in, saying dear i'm sorry please take me back, please take me in please take me with your starving sin

I see you like a flower.. blooming... you grow, and paint pictures with your love.. with your light. I long to reach out, and touch.. to let my fingers linger on your beautiful face for just a second... but no. Instead, I watch you bloom and paint more and more pictures with your beauty.

Skipping, Pounding, Skipping, Pounding heart beats faster, voices sounding Leave me, go! I just can't take it, fall to knee's and then the floor hits My body shakes, With broken sobs and now you're happy, you've done your job.

I'm so afraid that I don't know, just how far I need to go I'll lose control, and lose my hold let Ana lead, a friend that's bold Soon I'll be thin, and pretty too so that you'll see, and wish you knew But I won't tell, no I won't say how I starve me, everyday.

I don't want  help, I don't it's true Just go away, I don't need you I'll fix myself, I know I will I'll keep good thoughts, make ana still I really hate it, when you say "I'm worried 'cause you're still this way" Well who are you? are you my friend? no, "doc" you're not, so don't pretend.

I feel the hairs stand on my neck, When you're near and I'm a wreck I see your eyes burn through my own, intensities deep, i feel so grown. Our foreheads touch, small eyelids close our lips then brush, our love then blows